Flash in the Pan

I finally heard back from Gourmet Garden's PR firm. Readers may remember that, uncharacteristically, I completely and satirically panned the company's herb and spice mixes. And then a response appeared from someone named "Jennifer" - a message so relentlessly Pollyanna-ish in its defense of the taaste of the products that I had to mock it. I emaield the PR people to ask if they or Gourmet Garden was the source.

I just got a response from the PR firm. It didn't address this mysterious Jennifer, but I think some account manager wanted to ensure that I still had all my marbles:

I wanted to follow up on your review of the Gourmet Garden samples that my colleague Kaitlin Kenny sent you last week and say that we appreciate your taking the time to try the product.

Oh, I'm sure you do.

However, I wanted to let you know that Gourmet Garden squeezable herbs and spices are meant as an ingredient and not to be used for eating as a concentrate straight from the tube. Many herbs and spices, whether fresh or dried, are not meant to be eaten on their own or straight from the jar or package, and Gourmet Garden follows suit with this industry wide understanding.

No. Really? People put spices and herbs in food they're cooking? Well, damn, all these decades I've been taking a shot of thyme or oregano after each bite. That'll certainly make things easier.

However, to cook well, you have to know what the ingredients are like. There are plenty of spices and herbs that I've smelled and tasted to get a sense of them. I've tried many types of basil and know what the varieties are supposed to taste like. No, I wouldn't normally eat basil for fun - but I would take a taste of a new variety before using it.

Furthermore, the only way to know if an individual ingredient is good, you have to know what it tastes like by itself. If I had dumped some of this material into something I was cooking, the overall flavors might have masked the problem - not that you or the manufacturer would ever want that to happen, I'm sure.

With that being said, Gourmet Garden is a highly popular product for health-conscious consumers who want a good-tasting, convenient yet inexpensive alternative in their meal preparation.

And lacking that, they use this product?

Since the use of fresh herbs and spices can be time consuming and sometimes inconvenient,...

It's such a burden to chop some parsley or cilantro. Or to shake some from a jar. I can't count the number of minutes I've wasted trying to add a teaspoon of oregano. Oh, and I remember a note on the tubes that in the freezer they only last three months. So just how long would they last in the fridge? Would the consumer have to buy them almost as frequently as fresh?

...Gourmet Garden offers a solution.

And that's the problem.

Incorporating herbs & spices into a meal and reaping the extra flavor as well as health benefits can be simpler for those with a busy lifestyle.

Health benefits? What health benefits? Benefits to the health of the company's bank account? Next thing will be that Gourmet Garden is important for the sake of the children.

The products have received high marks from many consumers and media.

What, the owner's parents and the many magazines and newspapers that run new product sections without ever having tried what they tout?

In fact, we have received an incredible amount of positive feedback from customers, dietitians and nutritionists, and fellow media correspondents from all over the world commenting on the products' authentic fresh taste, flavor, and ease of use.

Do you think their reaction to the "authentic fresh taste" was to the herb, the dextrose, the whey, or the glycerin?

Conversely, we do understand that there is room for different opinions in the marketplace and that not everyone will have the same likes and tastes.

Oh, I am so glad to hear that. I was worried that you were trying to use the rhetorical tricks knows as generalization and band wagon to convince me that when it tasted bad to me, it was my fault because I didn't mix it with so many other ingredients that the odd flavors didn't hit me quite so squarely in the face.

Labels: opinion, PR, review