Smile, Dammit

Romania has passed legislation mandating that half of all newscasts must be upbeat news:

The measure is the idea of two senators -- one from the governing National Liberal Party, the other from the far-right Great Romania party -- who bemoan the "irreversible effect" of negative news "on the health and life of people".

Its aim, they said, is to "improve the general climate and to offer to the public the chance to have balanced perceptions on daily life, mentally and emotionally".

Clearly the change should be easy - move all actions of the legislature for the sadly real to the patently and laughably ridiculous column.

Driving with David

I was driving down to Manhattan yesterday to give a talk and meet with a few editors. After the three plus hours in the car, I was on the Henry Hudson and tuned into Fordham's station, which provided a surreal experience: David Bowie singing a cover version of Paul Simon's America and sounding for all the world like Anthony Newley every time he came around to the chorus. And it just dawned on me that Newley must have been the English male's answer to Ethel Merman, with that cross between vibrato and waver.

I make it sound worse than it was. Actually, there orchestration sounded like something out of a circus or carnival, and Bowie had a great cross between naive hope and utter dissolution borne of experience. But I had to tip my hat to the announcer, who managed to sound perfectly bland when explaining that the program was underwritten by Kaopectate. How do you say that with a straight face?

Talk Radio Talks the Same as It Did Before

The New York Times had an article uncovering the shocking - shocking - truth that talk radio shock jocks are happy to keep on wheeling free. This is a surprise? The only reason that CBS knocked off the Imus program is because he went just far enough to flat out enrage a large group of people that went to advertisers. When one pulled out after another, so did the network. But that is no indication of a desire to change a long-standing habit of radio personalities. Ratings have been too good and the ad revenue too high for managers to voluntarily really want to change. Sure the opening paragraph of the story talks about a show host making fun of a manual that managers at a CBS affiliate gave him. But those manuals are legal cover-your-backside tomes to avoid getting sued by listeners. If they really wanted a change, they'd get it - listen for the next host to do something other than what they asked, and then fire the person. Do that once or twice and people get the message. They didn't with Imus because it was such an obvious case of management crumbling under pressure and trying to come out smelling good. And while the advertisers are largely willing to pay, the shows will largely continue in the same vein. Action is the strongest form of language around, and people listen intently to the gentle rain of those slips of green falling from deep pockets.