The En Passant Quote
In chess, en passant (in passing) is a specific circumstance under which one pawn can capture another while moving by it. But a few years ago I found a way of using a quote in passing.
I was writing an article for Newsweek, which meant a lot of information in a small amount of space. In this case, I had about800 words and 10 sources. Normally that would be overkill and you wouldn't use all of the material, but in this case I really wanted to, so I had to find a way to fit it in without being too obvious in the reading.
So I experimented with using a quote as both a way of delivering additional information and acting as a transition between paragraphs at the same time. Here's an example:
I was writing an article for Newsweek, which meant a lot of information in a small amount of space. In this case, I had about800 words and 10 sources. Normally that would be overkill and you wouldn't use all of the material, but in this case I really wanted to, so I had to find a way to fit it in without being too obvious in the reading.
So I experimented with using a quote as both a way of delivering additional information and acting as a transition between paragraphs at the same time. Here's an example:
..."Many of the people running dot coms have never run a business before. All they're doing is spending a lot of money and getting very little return." Experience is key, because there are no hard and fast rules about exactly how to value intangible services like consulting. As Marty Winston, an old time technology PR expert, puts it, "PR pricing always has been a bit of voodoo."In this case, the Winston quote adds an insight into a business issue - PR pricing - while creating a natural transition to the next paragraph. It's not a technique that always works, and overuse can look clumsy, because you might well be using quotes from two different sources in one paragraph after another. But when you need to squeeze a bit more into limited space, this reduces the need for separate transitions, and the words they require.
More often, though, the real source of trouble is "Internet time," the frenzy that arises when the impossible is expected and service providers have to lavish staff and other resources on projects simply to keep up. ...
Labels: craft, en passant, quotes, technique, transitions, writing
posted by Erik Sherman | 5:43 AM
3 Comments:
Love the idea, not sure I get the example.
Can you post more of the article or use another one?
I'm trying to sort out the same problem on a story today & all I get is clunky.
tx
Reading the blog at 5:03AM on deadline? Hey, you deserve additional explanation - and a cup of coffee.
Actually, some colleagues who read the post also noted that they found the example hard to follow. I suspect it's because I only included part of the paragraphs for the sake of brevity, which does little good if people are thinking, "Huh?" So here are the two full graphs from the story:
>> In part, these mostly youthful entrepreneurs are victims of their own inexperience. "I see clients where I cannot believe what people have sold them and how much people have charged them," says Michael W. Kempner, CEO of The MWW Group, a public relations firm, who has seen companies overcharged by as much as 50% for the services they actually got. "Many of the people running dot coms have never run a business before. All they're doing is spending a lot of money and getting very little return." Experience is key, because there are no hard and fast rules about exactly how to value intangible services like consulting. As Marty Winston, an old time technology PR expert, puts it, "PR pricing always has been a bit of voodoo."
More often, though, the real source of trouble is "Internet time," the frenzy that arises when the impossible is expected and service providers have to lavish staff and other resources on projects simply to keep up. "Half the time they change their business model in the second week they're with you," says David Eldredge, vice president at
Edelman Public Relations Worldwide. The constant change and driving deadlines makes for expensive business, and clients pay in measure. "We have had agencies tell us that they automatically add x percent more because of dot com time." says Ken Young, director of communications at 1-800-Flowers.com.<<
Let's look at the first graph. I started with a remark by a PR firm CEO who expresses astonishment at what the dot coms were being charged for services and products. Next comes the second comment from that source - that the dot coms are run by people unfamiliar with business.
Now I note that there are no hard and fast rules about pricing, which makes experience key. Then I use the Marty Winston quote to give historic perspective on how PR pricing has always been less than rational in business. The idea in that quote also sets up the transition to the concept that while all this background is true, the real problem is that the inexperienced dot com mavens were asking for things done at a speed that guaranteed high prices.
Here's another example from the same story:
>> The Internet world's premium on flexibility and speed also puts it at a disadvantage in buying advertising, where low prices come from planning and smart buying. Dot coms miss discounts and con¬stantly pay rush charges. "There's a lot of 'Gotta have it, gotta have it at the last
minute, I don't care what it costs,'" says an official at a leading media buying firm.
Even in technology, where they should be on solid ground, the companies have a "gold rush mentality," according to Stephen Lambright, vice-president of marketing for Internet software company NetObjects, Inc. Lambright remembers one client insisting on such a compressed time frame that needed to consultants available 24 hours a day at expenses that approached double what a more measure pace would have cost. "They're driven by two of the worst human characteristics: fear and greed." <<
Instead of opening a graph, including a quote, and then closing the graph to provide the transition into the next piece of the story, I used the quote itself as the end. That meant it both provided the addtiional information not included in the preceeding paraphrasing and the transition into the next graph.
There's a common way of ending stories with a quote, so the words of that source provide a kicker or at least some kind of ending spot or important summary observation. This is taking that use of a quote and moving it higher into the story. If that doesn't make sense, let me know and I'll give it another shot.
Got it.
Thanks for going taking time to elaborate, makes a difference.
Great technique, too.
tx
Post a Comment
<< Home